Sunday, July 31, 2005

Vegan breakfast in a diner...

Sure, there are vegetarian and vegan "diners" out there, like the Chicago Diner in Chicago, or Kate's Joint in NYC (both of which come highly recommended from yours truly), but sometimes, maybe while travelling or entertaining grandparents or something, you find yourself in a greasy diner that smells of bacon.

What to do? Don't lose heart, dear friends. As long as it isn't some backwards-ass place like Mickey's Diner in St. Paul, there should be a vegetable product on the menu that doesn't contain lard (seriously, there isn't one solid vegan item on the Mickey's menu that I'm aware of, though it is worth visiting in the middle of the night for a cup of coffee if you're in the area. For better or for worse, it is rumored that large amounts of drugs are sold out the back door).

If that's the case, here's what I order.

A double order of hashbrowns, with green peppers, mushrooms, and onions fried on top, and one English muffin, dry, on the side.

It's not on the menu, and chances are no one's ordered this before, so you might have to deal with some raised eyebrows or whatever, and you want to make sure they hear you say "dry" on the english muffin. I usually try to be extra charming when I'm ordering this, what I call the Diner Special: "Would it be possible to get a double order of...blah blah blah? I'll pay whatever the extra is for the sides."

Now, you have to understand that these mushrooms are going to be kind of nasty, straight out of a can, straight off the SYSCO truck, but Jesus, look where you are! Did you taste that coffee yet? I can tell you right now it isn't fair trade. Nobody eats at these places because they want to, but maybe you find yourself in a pinch. This should help.


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