Sunday, October 16, 2005

Just another Sandwich Sunday

I may as well be a cartoon character. While my love for the sandwich rivals that of Dagwood Bumstead, Homer Simpson, or that guy from G.I. Joe, the fact remains that I will never taste a porkchop sandwich.

But that didn't stop me from eating a sandwich for every meal today. And godammit, it was a good time.

Disclaimer: I've talked shit on this blog about the Seward Cafe. That shit talking stands. Since writing my scathing critique, I made the prophesied return trip, ordered something with soy cheese, only to be told that they were out of soy cheese. This place is right next door to a co-op. We're talking 100 feet tops door to door. These motherfuckers couldn't pony up and go get me some damn soy cheese for my food, and weren't about to offer me my money back (soy cheese is extra) so the incendiary remarks continue. Why do I bring this up? Because, in an ironic move, two of the three sandwiches eaten today are Seward Cafe menu items. I made them all at home. (I did get my dollar back, thanks for asking).

BREAKFAST:
tofu mock muffins...what you do is you take some tofu, and if you got time, you press it. If you don't, you skip that, slice it thin and marinate it in some tamari, soy sauce, or, if you're like me, some Bragg's Liquid Aminos. Then you take some Gimme Lean (sausage style), make yourself a little patty there, and fry 'em both up. Toast an english muffin, grab some sprouts, some nutritional yeast, some ketchup and mustard, throw it all together and enjoy. I ate two of these bad boys this morning and thought I was going to die, or, at the very least, slip into a coma.

LUNCH:
Lunch was very basic. We used Tofurky deli slices, hickory roast flavor. I'm a pretty big fan of just about every flavor I've tried. I love these things. Add to that a brandywine tomato from the back yard, more sprouts, some cucumber, Vegenaise, mustard and salt and pepper, and I was set.

DINNER:
Another Seward Cafe concoction, the Tofu Pesto Sandwich. I got to use the new griddle on this one, the kind that leaves sear marks on the tofu. About that tofu, it was pressed and marinated again, this time in both Braggs and some teriyaki marinade I found in the refrigerator. I also grilled up some mushrooms and onions, which I splashed with some Chablis and a little salt and pepper, and my wife had the idea of brushing the tofu with a little bit of the pesto to give it some flavor. When everything was pretty well cooked I toasted some bread, threw on some Vegenaise, lots more pesto, and the rest of that brandywine. This was a great sandwich, but if I had it to do over again I would slice the tofu in half as it was a bit too thick.

DESSERT:
My wife wants me to lie to you and say that we enjoyed some (non-dairy) ice cream sandwiches after dinner, and we really did mean to do so, but we didn't have any, and forgot to go get some. Creative non-fiction makes me want to kill somebody, and since I already feel a bit guilty that a few poor saps from as far away as Norway, Buenos Aires, and Kuala Lumpur have unwittingly stumbled upon this site, I'd hate to compound that guilt by pulling the wool over your eyes (or whatever the acceptable vegan figure of speech would be). We had no dessert, and really, there wasn't any room.

But my wife did have this to say, shortly before calling me an "asshole writer," saying that no one would ever want to hang out with me for fear of appearing in my writing:

"This is your chance to change our reality for the better. It's like you're one of those guys who gets to rewrite a history book and leave out the Civil War and stuff."

Civil what?

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