Monday, November 07, 2005

tis the season, whether you fuckers like it or not.

That's right. 'tis the season for the following yummy items.

: It's like drinking a grapefruit. I love it.

: You should know that White Wave is owned by Dean's, which is something of a large dairy conglomerate, but goddamn if this shit isn't worth the ethical compromise. That said, I welcome any vegan nog recipes, because probably White Wave doesn't need my money.

UNTURKEY: Don't be fooled! While Tofurkey makes what is probably the fantastickest (you heard me) deli slices on the market, they fall short in other areas, including their Kielbasa and Bratwurst (despite the inclusion of the very delicous Full Sail Ale), and also in their holiday feast deal. Go with the Now and Zen (I promise I'm not making this shit up) Unturkey and you won't be disappointed, I promise. The more ambitious among you might even purchase some vital wheat gluten and make your own holiday goodness, but if you do, please make sure you knead that stuff enough, because nobody likes a doughy un-bird.

WHISKEY AND SCOTCH: Sure, these are kind of my baseline anyway, but they're easier to justify somehow in the cold weather. I suppose blackberry brandy fits in here, too, but that's a bit too close to drinking cough syrup for my tastes.

CANNED CRANBERRIES: When I was a kid I only liked the smooth kind, but now I love it all, especially the way they hold the shape of the can. Everyone should own a special fancy tray for just this occasion, and perhaps a gravy boat as well.

PIES: You can't go wrong with a good vegan pie. Just don't blow the crust, or the whole thing is all shot to hell.

That's all I've got for now. Runners up include Mexican hot chocolate (with the know what I'm talking about) and Russian teacakes, also called Mexican wedding cookies, oddly enough. Maybe I'll put up some holiday baking recipes when the time comes and get all Martha Stewart on your asses. Then I'll go to prison and become wildly successful.

My wife and I are actually hosting Thanksgiving for the first time ever, and actually this will be our first time hosting any holiday. My family has already announced their plans to curtail "the turkey dilemma" by purchasing a pre-cooked Thanksgiving dinner from a local grocery chain and bringing it to our house. So much for cooking, I guess, but we'll probably still whip up some amazing vegan goodness and silently gloat in the knowledge that our lovingly prepared food is infinitely tastier than their pre-prepared grocery store meal.

If anyone has any hosting horror stories or do's and don'ts they want to share, I'm all ears. Also, feel free to add to the list of fun things that you associate with this season. Jesus, how corny did that last sentence sound?


Blogger Nathan said...

One, I love Mexican wedding cakes.

Two, this here 'bout made me lose my Silk Nog out my nose: "nobody likes a doughy un-bird." (No, I wasn't actually drinking Silk Nog while reading this post; never heard of the stuff until just now.)

Three, that's cold to accept your invitation for a Thanksgiving celebration and then to insist on bringing their own food. It's obvious you love food so if any fruity vegan can be trusted to come up with a delectable Thanksgiving feast it's you, am I right?

Man, I'd totally go vegan if I had the right person to show me how to do it. Well, I'd give it an honest shake, anyway. Cheese, though - that's the toughtest hurdle for me. I love me my cheese!

8:49 AM  

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